it's a hard knock life!

You know sometimes it's easy to forget that im not the only person affected by Ashtons autism.. In most cases I am the one dealing with him when he has an outburst or just having a good or bad day!  But I have on occassion forgotten that others are affected by his Autism too.  No one is more affected than Ashtons older brother!  Taylor sacrafices so much for his baby brother, more than he even really knows!  Taylor has always been an amazing big brother, and of course they fight and yell at each other like normal siblings do.  But Taylor has given up so much that he doesn't even know about to be Ashtons big brother..  Before Ashton was born Taylor, Jesse (my husband), and I would go on trips, we would drive all night to go visit family, we would take off and go to the movies or the zoo or just somewhere that Taylor wanted to go.  We went to the movies alot when Taylor was little..  He was watching Star Wars when he was 3 and loved it!  He was always such an outgoing kid and he still is he just doesn't get to go to all the places we did before.  Taylor was 5 when Ashton was born, he had just started kindergarten and was so excited that he was gonna be a big brother.  He told everyone that when his little brother got here that he was gonna teach him how to play video games!  I tries several times with no success to tell him that it would be awhile before Ashton could play games.  When Ashton was born I knew right away there was something different about him, I never really knew he had Autism but I knew that he wasn't like Taylor.  I have heard the no siblings are alike story a million times, but that didn't change my thinking.  Ashton didn't like to be touched, he didn't like loud noises,  he was always cranky it seemed that nothing made him happy!!  He didn't start crawling until he was 9 months didnt start walking till he was 13 months old which is normal for some kids.  He didn't start really talking till he turned 3 and he didn't using spoons and forks until last month (sept).  It's been a difficult almost 4 years to say the least.  But Taylor has had to be the calm and patient brother..  He has endured Ashton hitting, bitting, scratching, yelling, throwing, taking toys, books and games away from him and for the most part he has done it with a kind of grace you would never expect a kid his age to have..  He has gotten mad on occassion but hell who wouldn't.  I applaud my 9 year old son for being the wonderful, understanding, sweet and caring person that he is and I hope that he always will be.  He is wise beyond his years and he has got a difficult life ahead of him!!  He doesn't know it yet but he will become more than a brother to Ashton he will become his protector!!  I know in time there will be someone to try and hurt Ashton because of his difference and Taylor will be the one that Ashton looks to.  He will have to endure people talking and making fun of his baby brother for his Autism and that won't be easy for him nor myself and Jesse.  Taylor asked me earlier why we can't go on a family vacation to Disney World?  I told him that Ashton would be to scared to go with all the people dressed up as different charectors,  he shakes and screams when we go to a place that has a mascot or charector around.  Then he says why can't we go to Hawaii as a family!!  I explain to him yet again that Ashton can't fly right now he doesn't like being concealed in one place for long!!  And he would be scared of the  turbulance.  Things like that, that we could have done before Ashton was born are just not posible right now!!   I am so proud to be Taylors mom and I think I will learn just as much from him as he learns from me!!  I love my life and wouldnt change it for a sec!!!