The start of our long journey

Oct, 2006 seemed like a normal month for me!  I had my husband, and a 5 year old little boy.  My life was full of love and laughter.  After 5 years of being a family of three my husband and I decided we wanted another baby.  Our first attempt turned out to be our worst nightmare at that time.  6 weeks into my pregnancy I had a misscarriage.  It was strange and hard to handle but we made it through and figured we would wait for a while before we tried again.  Much to our surprise the Lord had other plans for us,  on Feb 23, 2007 I found out that I was pregnant!!  Overjoyed doesn't begin to cover our feelings!  It was the last thing on my mind so I never thought about the possiblity.  But it also had me worried and frightend at the possible chance of losing this baby like I lost the last one..  We passed the safety zone and were so excited with the news of our growing family.  My oldest was so excited about being a big brother he couldn't talk of anything else for days.  We always had such a close bond between the three of us and we were so ready to add the fourth member of our family.  My due date was October 30, 2007 and I was so excited because that was one day before my birthday.  I started having a little trouble with my pregnancy when I was about 2 months along.  Horrible morning sickness, no appitite, elevated blood pressure, swelling in my ankles, acid reflux! Things I never exsperienced in my first pregnancy, it was so different from everything..  With all of the troubles I was having health wise it put alone of strain on my marriage.  I was always sick and tired, never had any energy and that was a big blow to my husband.  We would argue constantly (away from my 5 yr old) and then I would always feel worse, my insides would be in balls and knots..  I had alot of stress induced issues and it only seemed to be getting worse.  I was put on bedrest twice in my third trimester and told that my blood pressure needed to stablize or I was going to have to be put in the hospital.  I was lucky enough that I did not have to be hospitalized thank the good Lord.  I was scheduled to have my labor induced on October 20th, My husband had a shift work job and to ensure that he would be there we made sure schedule the induction around his days off.  I was checked into the hospital at 9:15pm 10/20/07, the progress was very slow when I was making any at all.  I was at a standstill it seemed my body was rejecting the meds to start my labor.  After being forced to walk around for an hour my labor finally started.  I was in the delivery room from 9:15pm on the 20th till 9:51pm on the 21st.  But it was worth it once I saw that little face staring at me..  He was an angel, a beautiful wide eyed little boy.  Ashton was the name we decided on for him.  Ashton seemed so perfect and he was of course.  When we took him home after 2 days of being in the hospital, so ready to have our family together for the first time!  As the days turned into weeks I started to notice so strange behavior in Ashton.  He was always mad or crying.  The lightest cough or sound would scare him and he would scream.  I couldn't talk, or sing, cough, or sneeze, it was so hard to be so quiet all the time..  As time went on I noticed other differences in Ashton than other kids his age.   When most babies were sitting up or trying to scoot across the floor, Ashton was content to just lie there and watch the room around him.  He didn't say his first word till he was about 17months old. In between his infantsy and 2 yrs old he developed as if he were raised by wolves.  He stayed away from everyone except me and his big brother! He even shied away from his dad (my husband), he would scream if anyone talked to him or made a loud noise.  He would get upset at the drop of a pin.  Nothing I ever did seemed to help calm him down so I just gave up on myself!! Ashton would talk he wouldn't let me bathe him, or feed him, he was so independant that it made it almost impossible to do anythig for him.  At ashton's 2 year check up we were reffered to the ECI (early childhood intervention) to see if he qualiffied for speech.  He started speech shortly after his 2nd birthday and we saw so many amazing improvements to his behavior and his mood.  We were informed that because of his speech delay he would be overly aggressive .  If you weren't able to talk and tell people what you needed or wanted then you would be upset too.  I started teaching Ashton sign language and that proved to be a big help.  He was able to communicate a bit better through the few words that he learned in SL.  But he grew very tired of that and wouldn't cooperate anymore!  Right before he turned 3 years old his ECI social worker and myself went to the local preschool for an evaluation to see if he would qualify for a spot in the school.  Ashton Started school on October 24 2010 on a trial baises to have further evaluation on him from a speech patholigist and a child physchologist. In December 2010 I was called for an ARD meeting at the school to determine whether Ashton would be able to stay in school or if he would be booted out.  While there his teacher, the principle, speech patholigist, and child physchologist all gave me reports on Ashton's daily behavior in class and outside of class.  Then came the dreaded news that no one wants to hear!! Your son has Autism!! I had looked it up a time or two trying to figure out why Ashton was so angry all the time, it didn't seem to fit.  But they explained to me that he doesn't have full blown (Rain Man) Autism, he has partial Autism.  He was 3 yrs old and was developing like an average 2 yr old.  His speech was on target with the average 1 1/2 yr old and he was developing at a slow rate..  His ability to comprehend and listen to others was severely behind his age.  I asked myself the question that I am sure most parents do at this point!!  What did I do to give this to my son?  What I done wrong in my pregnancy or labor?  How could I have prevented this?  I was heartbroken that my beautiful little boy was disabled, how would other kids treat him?  How would he develope?  What were the best ways for me to help him?  So many questions that I couldn't make my mouth ask.  Frozen in time and space trying to wrap my head around what I felt like was a tradgedy!  After several minutes I snapped out of it and began to listen to their advice and concerns.  Upon leaving the school I found myself in tears, I was afraid of what I did not know..  I knew nothing about Autism other than what I had seen in a few movies.  At home I was imediately comforted by my friend/neighbor.  She understood what I was feeling having had an Autistic granddaughter herself..  She helped me to understand that this was not something that I did nor could I have prevented it.  It is apart of who Ashton is and he is perfect the way God made him.. After days and days of denial and research I finally just stopped.  I told myself that it didn't matter what my son had or didn't have he was still my baby.  After learning some discipline techniques and teaching methods Ashton began to ease up on his tantrums.  He was easier to handle and take places.  He laughed more and explored more.  His teachers enjoy his presence at school because he is so happy now all of the time.  He is just so amazing and smart and bright it makes me wonder why I ever had a doubt about his potential.  Now Ashton is almost 4 and he has changed so much in the last year that most people wouldn't realize it was the same kid even if they held a picture by him!  He is so happy and loving.  He still has his fits of rage and tantrums but they are easier to handle now that I know how too!  I am educating myself and everyone around me on Autism awareness.  It's not easy sometimes but I feel this is my mission from God! To teach others about the possibilities of Autistic children, and to help my amazing son grow up to be all he can be in this world!! This is the start of a very long road ahead!  It won't be easy but with God and family and friends all things are possible!